Saturday mornings....

For some reason, Saturdays are just not good days around here. You would think that after a busy week with lots of errands and commitments, that Saturday would be a good day to unwind. Well guess what?...not so much!! Usually it begins with me being pissed off because I have to get up with the kids at 7 and my husband thinks that getting up early is 9 or 9:30. And then when his Highness does stroll downstairs, he promptly tries to turn the channel to his TV shows. NOTHING will make little kids go nuts quicker than when you sneak up on them and switch their shows off. Kids do actually have eyes in the back of their heads, so even when you think they are not watching something --they really are. And so on that note, we start our day with Daddy getting mad because they won't share the TV, Mommy being mad at Daddy because he is pretty dumb to think you can watch anything other than Saturday morning cartoons and the kids just screaming because golf is on!

So back to my wedded bliss. Then sometime around 10 or so I usually ask my husband what he will be doing for the day. He tells me that he is doing yard work or going to run errands or whatever. The thing that ALWAYS gets me is that it is never a second thought as to what I am doing. here's a big hint Boys, when your wife asks what you are doing for the day, the correct answer should" I don't know what are you doing?" or "Why what were you thinking we shoudl do?" That would imply that both schedules matter and that it is a consensus. Usually I end up thinking..."what about your kids? where will they be going today? Why does he automatically assume that they are my responsibility?"

When he gets up and has to go out - he just thinks he can go. He doesn't even think to say -- "I have to run to Home Depot but what do you have to do.?" Because whatever it is I have to do will have to include the kids right? Apparently there is this rule book that I was not given a copy of. Not knowing these rules usually gets me into trouble. I just always thought you tackled these types of issues as a team.

Here is what people never tell women about having kids. You may think you gave birth to them and they did in fact exit your body on that beautiful day. Well, really they may as well have just stayed in that safe warm tummy--because outside they may as well be attached to you for the next four years. When you go for groceries--they must come along, when you go pee--well they have to come in the bathroom too. No matter what it is you do -- you will always be expected to take that little wee one along with you. It is no longer even an item to discuss. If you are going to get your hair done - well bring the kids along for a haircut too. I once brought them to a Dr. appt where I knew I was going to be told I had pneumonia. The Doctor actually laughed and said "that is the difference between a mom and a dad. You didn't even think twice about bringing to this appt but a dad would have called and cancelled if he had to bring his kids along. I think it is becuase they have a "noodle" sometimes it makes it hard to be sensitive and caring when you have that noodle thing.

Of course you can make arrangements to have someone watch your little angel. But it will almost always be you finding the sitter and you making the arrnagements. And do you know why? because that is how the men in the world want it to be. they are VERY good at refining the art of "learned helplessness". Basically what that means is from a very early age they pretend that "you are so much better at this than I am", "she loves you so much more," "you are so good at this." Hmmmmm let's think about this - isn't it in their best interest to allow the woman to be good at this whole mommy thing - then they don't really have to do much. Yes it is all a conspiracy by the "noodles". If you have a "noodle" then you know all about this!! I will talk more all about this later.....as you can tell Saturday was a pretty crummy day at our house which is why I am "noodle bashing" tonight.

Why am I doing this?

As I am sitting here trying to be witty and think of marvelous things to say. I question whether or not I should even start this "blog" thing. Do I need more things to feel guilty about in my life? Is this really going to be useful and therapeutic? I hope so. I just need an outlet to vent, brag, ponder. I just need to be able to use my craft that has long been forgotten about and be creative. Speaking of creative - did you know how long it took me to try and think of a screen name? Hmmmm that troubles me. I could not come up with anything unique. I have been thinking about laundry and vegetables so long that I forgot where my creativity is hiding. Oh yes it is in the yellow clothes hampers with the underwear.

I am absolutely sure that no one wants to read the ramblings of an exhausted mommy. There are way too many of us out there for this to be interesting or in any way unique. All I am doing is writing down my life so that I can make some sense of it. Don't get me wrong - I have a perfect life. I am the Mom to Marissa who is just 5 and Julia who is 2.5. They are unbelievable and I am amazaed every day that I have been blessed with being their mother. But unfortunately I don't have much time for feeling blessed. I need to multi task alot and throw in a load of laundry, while I wipe up the spilled bubbles and oh no Julia is potty trainnig and didn't make it to the toilet...now there is another puddle to wipe up. But oh yes I am blessed. I usually try and find 5 things I am grateful for and I say them just before I go to bed each night. I am usually so tired that I fall asleep before I finish my list.

Now back to my perfect life. I realy technically have nothing to complain about. I have great kids, a husband who is my soul mate on most days, a very tight family who support me in all I do. I have friends galore who I miss terribly since we all had kids and have less time for each other. So what is the problem? Why do I sound so sucky?

I just miss the lazy Sunday afternoons of lying on the couch with a book or cuddling with my husband. I miss deciding to go for a coffee with a friend at a moment's notice. I miss being able to stay up late and sleep in late. I miss the feeling of not feeling guilty about almost everything. I feel guilty that the kids are always tired and never eat enough healthy things. I feel guilty that after work when I am tired I yell at them when I shouldn't. I feel guilty because there are nights I encourage my husband to go out and play soccer so I can be alone and go to bed early without feeling guilty.

Are you shaking your head yet? Do you think I shoudl get a live-in therapist? My husband thinks I am "high maintenance" because I complain about my workload so much. Of course i am usually standing in the kitchen washing dishes while he is dozing on the couch. No wonder he can't relate.

I was bopping along my life with a husband and I really truly thought we had an equal partnership. I actually made more money than he did and we seemed to split everything down the middle. And then came the kids...

All of a sudden I am responsible for the kids, the family life, the house, working full-time and oh yeah there is supposed to be some sort of quality of life in there. Never mind thriving...I am just surviving.

Do I sound crazy? I don't mean to be. I just don't understand where things went off the rails. I have a full time job that keeps me hopping all day as senior manager. I have two kids who certailny keep me hopping the rest of the time. So when I stop running around I just want to curl up in the fetal position.